I had one of those moments last night that no 30 year old single woman wants to have. I'm a little embarrassed about the whole thing, but blogging is a good way as ever to let it all out and move on.
So I have this pesky little light fixture that I've had in my room for quite a while. The other night, while I was sleeping, it decided to fall out of the ceiling, come crashing down on my bed, and make me become an instant 5 star ninja. I had been putting off repairing it, in hopes that it would fix itself....but since I have guests coming into town this weekend decided to give it a go.
Now, before I go any further you need to know that I am incredibly independent. Sometimes so independent that it scares me. Extended periods of singleness will do that to you. Anyway, so here I go attempting to re-do this light fixture on my own. First roadblock: I am too short to reach it. As I mentioned before, the light is directly over my bed and my 5' nothin' stature was just not cooperating. No problem, I will just move the bed, grab one of the tall barstools and I will be able to reach it. After several grunts and possibly some popped veins from all the straining, I discovered I could not move my bed. Now I am no wimp, and actually pretty strong for a girl, but this bed is HEAVY! So, once I discovered that wasn't happening I had the bright idea of putting a step stool on my bed to give me the extra height I needed. As I am typing this I realize that sounds like the dumbest idea EVER, but I sware at after a long day at 11pm it seemed genius. I'm sure you already know what happened next. Girl puts step stool on bed. Girl steps on step stool. Girl goes crashing down onto the floor...hits hip on the edge of bed....and busts her lip wide open. So here I am...on the floor...in the complete dark (b/c I turned off the power to the room in fear of electrocution)....with a throbbing hip and a bloody lip. So I did what any girl in their right mind would do. I got up, cleaned up my lip, stared that light fixture right in the eye and said " round 1 goes to you, but I've got a lot of fight left in me so let's get ready to rumble Baby".
Ok, plan 3. I will stack as many pillows as I can find on top of the bed to add the little boost I need. So I begin constructing the world trade center of pillows. This has to work I thought. So I go to step on the pillows, and whadda ya know....I sink straight to the bottom. I guess pillows are efficient if you are actually using them for the purpose intended (laying your head on them), but they royally suck at holding your entire body weight. Since this was the last idea I had (and it failed), I decided to make like Gumby and see if I could just stretccccchhhh and reach the light. My finger tips barely reached the ceiling. But they did reach it just enough make a face full of ceiling grout fall on me. Don't ever let anyone tell you that stuff tastes good. I now know first hand that it DOESN'T!
That was the last straw for me. There I was..face full of ceiling grout...busted lip...bruised hip...and now I had tears streaming down my face. Those tears were followed by more tears. Tears of anger. Tears of frustration. Tears of "it would be really nice to have a man in my life who could help me with this kind of thing". Tears of "it would really be nice to have a man in my life, period". Tears of failure. I layed on my bed for probably 20 minutes and just wept. I felt so helpless. I cursed the light fixture, the bed, the pillows, and the stepping stool. I think at one point I was even mad at my Mom for giving me her "short" genes.
I was finally able to pull myself together and it this point it was around 12:30am. I decided I was going to give it one more shot. I sat there racking my brain about what I could to reach the ceiling. And then... it came to me! I shot up off the bed...ran over to my closet....and grabbed my secret weapon: the cutest 5 inch platform wedges you have ever seen! I put those suckers on, climbed up on the bed, stuck a flashlight in my mouth and OWNED that light fixture!!!! Take that you good for nothing source of light!
There are a lot of things I learned from this little adventure.
#1- I'm an idiot. A bed is not a stable surface and you should never attempt to "stack" anything on it.
#2 - Even though I am wildly independent, the want/need for a man to love me/help me will always be there.
#3 - Ceiling grout is toxic stuff. I am still hacking that stuff up this morning
And last but not least....
#4 - WITH THE RIGHT PAIR OF SHOES, A GIRL CAN ACHEIVE THE IMPOSSIBLE :)!
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